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I was sitting here tonight thinking it was time that I wrote one of my long entries when a song came on my mp3 player. I know a lot of you guys have heard the song "The Kids Aren't Alright" by The Offspring. Well for many reasons that song brings back a lot of memories for me. So I'll start there.



I remember hearing that song when I was hanging out with some friends. It was Kenny, Drew, Joey and I hanging out down by the lake. We all thought how funny that it would be to play that song at the upcoming cover show down at the guitar shop. So we got to working on learning the song and all the little things to make it sound awesome. I was going to sing, Drew on guitar, Joey playing bass, and Kenny rocking away at the drums. (Though I swear I would have been better playing bass)



Come the day of the contest we preformed and all that jazz. We didn't win, but I met the person that became one of my best friends. Jonathon....



Jon's band ended up winning by doing the song Ironman. (effing cheaters) And I was invited to come hang out with them after the show. I was a bit pissed off we lost so I blew it off.



About a week later I realized that Jon rode the same bus I was supposed to ride to school. The one day I actually have to ride the school bus I end up getting asked a favor. Jon had loved my voice at the show and wanted to have me sing with him for an audition tape so he could try to get into a music program for college. I figured it would give me a tape to use as well so I said I would do it. We agreed on a day to meet up and went about our day.



That same day Kenny told us he had found out at his doctors appointment yesterday that he had a tumor in his brain. They were going to do an operation in about a week to see if they can get rid of it. At the time we found out we all figured things would get better and he would be fine. Oh we were so wrong....



The following week was hard. Joey found out he was being forced to move back to Arizona in the next couple of months. Kenny had the surgery but things weren't what we thought.



They told him that the tumor was inoperable.



When he told us this I about broke down. He was told he had to spend the next couple of weeks in the hospital for random tests.



About a week after he got out of the hospital he killed himself. In the weeks following Joey moved back to Arizona.



A month or two later I was sent to drug rehab.



Drew was put under extreme watch by his parents and couldn't leave the house.



By all means possible we weren't alright. It seemed funny that we all agreed on that song.



When I got out of rehab things had changed. Not for the better either.

Drew and Joey had a falling out. They couldn't stand to be near each other. They used to be like brothers. While I was in rehab Drew's true colors started to leak through. The day I got home he slapped me across the face in front of all of my friends. That was it for me.



Within a month I had moved to Tampa. Joey moved back to Arizona after realizing that he was better off over there.



About a year ago Drew messaged me. He wanted to hang out. I thought I could try to be his friend so I agreed. Things went badly and I should have known.



I haven't heard from Joey in over 2 years now. Drew messaged me earlier today trying to be my "friend" again. Kenny still lives on in my memories.



As for me...I didn't abandon my dreams like the rest of them. When I found out I had cancer I told both of them and Joey simply stated that he wished me well.

Drew...

well I blame him for it.....



He doesn't believe me either.



To this day I wish things were different. Sometimes I wish I was the one that had died. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time I save him.



Other times I wonder if all of this isn't just karma....



One thing is for sure.



We weren't alright at all. We were fucked from the start.

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
18:49 Jan 30 2009

*hugs*

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I hate waking up with a pounding headache.



The cough doesn't bother me.



The feeling that my head will explode does.





........



Back to bed I go.

Nothing better then a good dungeon run and nice warm clothes.



:3



Maybe adding some chocolate....

So no luck in finding a new baby.



*sigh*



I'll try again in a week or so.



My mom said there are a few places that she knows of that have babies but they aren't ready to go to a new home.

COMMENTS

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sahahria
12:59 Jan 23 2009

when you do find the little one, be sure to post pictures :D

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dadofthree
08:58 Feb 03 2009

i hope you get one soon

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So I'm at my moms house.



Had dinner and then went and passed out in her office.



I wake up to her telling me that I'm allowed to download Dofus on her computer and to enjoy my evening.



I smiled.



Then she handed me a drink. O.O



I am in a good place atm.

Well my mom is picking me up today to get a new cat.



And food....



o.O



Yay McDonalds?

So we are expected to have snow flurries tonight......





Yay :D



I will be outside bundled up trying to catch snow before it melts.



>:)

Away



It was a simple request.



Alone



Obviously it wasn't understood.



Creepy



Yeah, you're getting there.

I talked to my mom today.



She is picking me up on Wednesday to get a kitten.



She knows how it is. I told her that it would be a bit expensive and she said that sanity is priceless. Money comes and goes.



I agree.



*cranks her music up*



Things will get better.

Ever have something that you know would love you regardless of your flaws, choices, or anything walk out of your life?



Tonight I had that happen.



My cat Callie passed away.



She had been acting funny all day. We had thoughts that she was pregnant for the past few months. But since I had never had a cat before I didn't know what to expect.



Tonight she went into, what we thought was labor.



She ended up dying instead.



We've had her for the past year and half. We got her about the same time I started to get really sick.



We got her as well as one of her kittens. I became more attached to her then the other one.



Right now I'm a bit devastated.



Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and it was a horrible dream.



Maybe?

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
13:54 Jan 22 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I see that your Mom has step up to help you, getting a new kitten. Hoping this brings you some joy sis. Be well, stay safe.



*hugs tight*

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Since you are such a coward and can't take shit to the head properly let me say this.



I don't care if wish me dead.



I don't care if you want to be snotty.



I don't think you want me in your life.



I don't want to be there.



I want you to leave me alone.



That means to buzz off out of my journals.



You aren't welcome here.



kthxbai

I want my songs heard across the world.



I want my art hung in galleries.



I want my poems read in schools.



I want everything but I want to do nothing.



I just want to be known.

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BloodExtacy
01:38 Jan 13 2009

most artist are known after they are dead lol

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Who would have thought it would take a 17 year old to teach me the fun in life.



Not teach, that is the wrong word choice.



Remind...



That's right. He reminded me of what I miss.



Oh and I know you keep on looking. Why you keep coming here is beyond me.



You aren't gonna get it back.



Keep thinking whatever you are thinking about this.



You wouldn't have any fucking clue who it is about.



For those of you that are confused. Well I am too so sorry.



:)



*runs away*

*whistles*



Live for yourself.



Never look back.



Keep moving forward.



One

Step

At

A

Time

Got myself some new headphones today.



The really nice ones.



I put them in and the first thing to play on my mp3 player was the star wars theme.



*drools*



The sound is amazing.



*ish happy now*

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Vampirewitch39
13:57 Jan 07 2009

:) Good for you!

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Oh boo fucking hoo



Go cry me a fucking river.



Wouldn't you laugh now if you saw?



I think so.



Sorry, I moved on.



From both of you.



*plays with her kitty*



Yep, moved the fuck on.



I don't have time for whiny childish assholes.



Nor do I have time for chauvinistic abusers.



I'm here to have fun. That is what I plan to do.



"And as I stared I counted. The webs from all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides."



Funny that I quoted that song.



Brings back memories.

Glad everyone is trashed.



My friends thought it was best to ignore me tonight. :3





*is loopy on meds because she isn't feeling great*



Good night.